to tell you guys the truth, i am more scared of me than him... i am afraid that i enjoy being with him and by that i dont mean when he's using i simply mean that i used to enjoy it when he surprised me coming to my campus to take me for rides in his car, i enjoyed being his "boo" the one he trusts and tells all his secrets to...i experienced so much love and irrational passion with him for the very first time(including intimacy)...and thats why i am afraid: afraid of ending up being with him and bearing his addiction for a life time because i know i love him and i know that no matter how harsh i go on myself i will never walk out on him ..im afraid of getting serious with him and at the same time i am afraid of letting him go or losing him... i want him to be a healthy 22 year old guy with a horizon to look forward to...maybe being with him is what i do for myself, maybe loving him is a need for me to be happy...i dunno...