Thank you everyone... for the record, I made the decision to get sober over a month ago. I have been waiting for Dr referals etc to go through so I can medically manage the detox, and organizing the IOP - and in the meantime all the advice I got was, just keep drinking while you wait. Its been a long frustrating month or two. But now its all go. Now that crunch time is finally here Im feeling terrified but very very positive. My hubby just told me I "stumbled" into bed last night (luckily he was expecting it) so maybe that bender was worse then I thought. lol. I have awesome support so I am going to make this this time - but just wanna keep a running record on here to look back on and when it gets tough in the future remind myself how low I got. Thanks for all your support peeps!