At some point Sobergirl, you might want to stop blaming others for your own calculated decisions to return to another drink after not drinking for whatever period of time. Many of the men and women here have been chronic relapsers, I was one. The solution is simple when you are ready to accept it. Excuses and justifications are the mainstay of the Drunk. If you want what we have, do what we do; don't drink today, find God and talk with another Alcoholic, do the next right thing. Simple.
Much love Ron