I have been beating myself up over the past couple of months... being told different things by different people because of my relapses. Some people said I wasn't "done" yet... and that I might want to go back out and come back when I was ready and "full" of alcohol. To those people (mostly in meetings, not on this board), well, they may have well just put a loaded gun to my head! I did go back out a couple times and get full. Almost got alcohol poisoning, too. Some said because I didn't lose everything - job, family, house, car, had not gotten a DUI, etc, I hadn't hit rock bottom. That was definitely not true, because I had hit bottom both spiritually and emotionally and was well on my way physically.
Some people said I wasn't working the program: calling other women, going to meetings, sharing ESH, service work, etc. But I WAS. My own sponsor told me I wasn't "willing" to go to any lengths because I missed a meeting once due to a horrible migraine headache - the kind where I was curled up in a ball and in so much pain I could barely move.
There were days I didn't do all the things I was "supposed" to do. But I didn't get drunk most of those days. But
I got drunk on the days I didn't connect spiritually with my God first thing.
Anyways... to all the newbies and those of you struggling with relapses, don't give up. I haven't yet, and to this date have had over 12 relapses in a period of the 3 months I've been in the AA program. I've heard it all at this point and have been so discouraged at times! (But I kept coming back, like they told me to.)
But I believe the above stuff to be true, and now that I know, I am going to take some quality time every single day to pray, connect and meditate. And I truly believe that from now on, I will stay sober (one day at a time).
Thanks to all who read this lengthy post!