Hey laketime,
I was off the boards for awhile in a similar situation. The appearance of sobriety tinged with addiction. My son has disappointed me in similar ways. I finally kicked him out after he came home obviously drunk two nights in a row. It was horrible, and yet I feel release now. One minute I feel overwhelmingly sad, the next relieved. This addiction sucks. Hang in there lake. As you look back, know that you have done the best that you could do under the circumstances. And when you failed, give yourself a break. You are human.
krhea