I must be in very bad spiritual shape. I have to be in very bad shape to keep punishing myself by going thru withdrawals over and over. I don't like pain, but keep inflicting it on myself. I've been in counseling for years and still don't understand myself and what drives me. I will pray to God to give me a bit of understanding and help me to be kinder to myself. I don't want to keep going thru this. I want it to end here. I want to stop torturing myself.
:praying