Mambo Queen

I'm not going to give a ton of backstory except to say that my AH basically quits every job he gets within three months time, or gets fired. His drinking is so bad that when he relapses now it usually only takes him about a month before he gets to the drinking-round-the-clock, puking up blood daily, immobilized on the couch stage. I told him Friday I was divorcing him (which I have said before, but I'm ready now to go to a lawyer TOMORROW and get it filed).

Here's another piece of the puzzle that may be relevant--I myself am no angel when I'm around him. I find it hard to live with his craziness and anger without drinking myself to "take the edge off". I don't feel great about this, but I also know that I'm not strong enough to start dealing with my own problems until I deal with the largest problem and get out of this marriage. Today, I did something stupid. He has been employed for the last month, working a job which I hear every day is "beneath him" because he's a law school grad and only making 13.50 an hour...it's always the same pity party with him. Even though he knows my intentions to divorce, he decided today he just wasn't going to go into work. I get pissed and confront him on this. He tells me he's going to call in sick, then proceeds to start sleeping on the couch. Since it's only been about 2 minutes, I know he can't be asleep, so I go up to him and start yelling at him to wake up and at least call in. He ignored me, or maybe was really passed out, so I slapped him. Well, he finally unloaded on me all of the physical abuse I guess he'd just been holding in...I'm talking punching me on my head and in my face as hard as he could at least five times. I know I provoked the situation, and technically, I abused him first,but if ever I needed a last straw, that was it.I'm truly ready this time, and while I still feel guilt, heartache, sadness, and pity, I'm not going to let anything change my mind about getting a divorce from him.

Hmmm....guess I needed to get out more "back story" than I said. I'm carrying a lot of pain today, physically, obviously, as well as emotionally. I'm in a safe place now, with family. I didn't tell them about the punching; my mother thinks I got bit by a spider as that's kind of what the small goose egg I have on my forehead looks like, and my parents already know just about every other gory detail about our marriage, I guess I just didn't feel like getting into that last little gem. So now let me finally get into my questions--

Like other people on this thread, I'm concerned about the whole "no place to go, no job" aspect of this situation. We have a small daughter and of course I'd prefer her father not be homeless. While I'm not rich, I have some resources. I won some money last year,(26 k) and I have about 21 k of equity in our home, which is in my name only and which I already wanted to sell. Sometimes I truly view that money I won as God's way of making this easier on me. Of course, AH has designs on as much of this money as he can get. He told me last year when I spoke of divorce that he wanted 12k. Today he told me he "deserved" 20k, and he "wasn't going to let me **** him over". When I consulted a lawyer last year, he told me he didn't want me giving him more than 6k, and said that if I was worried he'd be homeless maybe paying a year's rent on a cheap apt. and giving him a couple thousand in cash would be best. But I didn't have the additional 26k last year (and that figure is pre-tax, I'll probably end up with maybe 18k). Now I do. Now, I'm thinking 12K is probably reasonable, but certainly not 20k. We've only been married 5 years, and I'm not going to ask for child support because he's also, seriously, over 200k in debt from student loans. Also, I work full time and while I'm again not rich, and could not afford to support him the rest of his life, I can afford to support my daughter and me only just fine. I also thought today, maybe buying him some ramshackle fore-closed on condo (my complex has some like this) would be for the best, because then the "roof over my head" thing is taken care of, but he'd still have to work to pay utilities and food. At this point, I pretty much know he ain't going to be able to support himself while he's still drinking, and with his ****** work history, he's going to have a tough time supporting himself even if sober.

I'm rambling again. I guess what I want is to hear from people who have had to deal with an out-of-work, destitute AH during divorce proceedings so I have a better idea of what he can and can not get out of me. Also, with regards to our daughter, how does the idea of supervised visitation work? And I definitely need to put my concerns about his alcoholism in the decree, right? I can see him trying to pull a "revenge" move on me and accuse me of being just as big of a boozer as him (not true--but I can't deny that I drink, and so how will that affect ME in the trial?)

Any and all comments, advice, or questions about the above would be appreciated. Thanks for listening.