Originally Posted by
aprylfool 
I wish sometimes, he'd have hit rock bottom. That he'd have spent time in jail - anything to make him see that this is no way to spend your life: drunk all night, sleeping all day only to wake up hungover and regretting you did it.
My brother and two sisters (all substance abusers) have all spent time in jail. It didn't cure them. Brother has lost his career, his driver's license, his car, his home. Sisters lost marriages, licenses, jobs, all their money, and eventually their lives. This isn't because someone else didn't say or do the "right thing." This is because addiction is powerful, and many people don't come out the other side alive.
You are trying to fight an enemy that is many times bigger than you are. You're wrestling with its toe, not looking up to see the rest of the monster.
You can only take care of yourself, apryl. You can't save him -- he has to save himself. Here are two conversations I've had in my life; maybe they'll help you see the difference between ultimatum and self-protection:
1) If you don't quit drinking, so help me, I'm going to leave you.
2) I love you like crazy, but I no longer want to live my life with a man who is constantly under the influence, and who is being controlled by alcohol. It's not what I want my life to be like. I'm willing to keep working on our relationship if you start a program of recovery within the next two weeks that includes X, Y, and Z. If you won't do that, for my own happiness I need to leave.
And the feeling was totally different....I knew I would leave if he didn't respond to 2). I knew I WOULDN'T leave even if he told me to take a hike on 1).
You can only save yourself. Hugs and strength to you that you're able to do so....