Wow. Great thread.
Lots of helpful insight to think about.
Abundance, (((hugs to you))).
Funny thing about the Addict's lies....
My ABF lied/ lies/ will lie about EVERYTHING. Addiction related or not.
It's almost sociopathic where you pity them for having to lie about such menial, ridiculous stuff. Why I put up with this? I'm a Doormat. Codie. Masochist. Not sure. Give him a bizillion chances to undo all of the BS with one "sorry" but no. Didn't get that either.
He has photos of this dog on his desk, saying he had to go feed and walk the dog at lunch...but he never let me come over and see him....Then one week he said he sent the dog to live with his ex GF because he was working so much. Come to find out from his mom by accident...that he never had the dog...it was his ex girlfriend's in New York...where he moved from 2 years ago! (We are in southern California).
He lies about who called.
He lies about losing his ATM card, or his wallet (no, i don't lend money anymore)
He lies about coming into work early and/or working late (I and others at the office can prove otherwise).
He lies about places he's been or movies he's seen.
He ALWAYS says "I'll call you right back" and it will be days or never.
He only returned text messages when he needed something.
He lied about "never getting my message"
He lied about "remembering our plans".
What HASN'T he lied about.
Don't get me started on the "selfish" behavior either. I'll save that for another post!
(UGH!!!)
My confession...?
Snooping...yep... I did that too....but didn't classify it as Codie....
I'm BUSTED.
I rationalized it as "proving I wasn't just hallucinating...he DID lie to me about this and that...SEE? I'm NOT crazy"!!!
My Addict guy is in rehab now...2 weeks in..and doesn't want to talk to me, or see me, and I've heard he said some unkind things about me to a mutual friend who he asked to visit him...( I'm not supposed to know...which is another issue that causes me great angst and insomnia...hence why I'm posting at 1 am.....)
The day after his departure, I went thru his office after work, looking thru the trash, in his cabinets, reading note pads, even going so far as "evaluating" what was on his desk as a sign to see what he was last "doing or thinking about" before he left.
I even went thru his office mail. Nothin conclusive.
I checked which CD was in his player (not the one I gave him)
All under the guise of "wanting to be near him...I want to connect with him...."
Frankly, if I thought I could get away with it, I'd try to get into his email and voice mail and look for clues as to anything that might pertain to me or his situation, or who he was talking with....
If I had access to his cell phone (which he used to take even to the bathroom with him when he was at my house -cause he was afraid of snooping) you BET i'd check it!
See? I'm as bad as the ADDICT!
I don't know if all of this is to "make myself so angry" that I am "convinced" to walk away....but the more I try to hate him, the more I empathize that he's in his disease and it's "not really him talking"....(boy I feed myself a load of crap, don't I?).
I've got quite a lot of work to do to heal....
You're not alone, my dear.
Sharing the hugs...and the angst....
rivka