AA Sponsor Questions
I am 9 months into my recovery and have been going to AA for about 7 months now. I was resistant in the beginning. I thought I could do it on my own - not uncommon, but I am beginning to see this differently as I work through the steps. If you can get someone to help, it is unreasonable to refuse to take it.
I have been starting to attend more meetings and get more involved. This is taking time, but I am working on it.
A few months ago, I met a guy, named Bill, I knew at a meeting and our relationship quickly took off. We had always gotten along and it was apparent that we did not lose our connection. He became my sponsor.
Earlier in recovery, I was excited to do the steps and wanted to move forward quickly as many newcomers make the mistake of doing. Bill discouraged me from moving too fast. He bought me pamphlets on the first few steps and asked that I read them so that we can discuss. We spoke every day in the beginning and that soon began to moved to every other day. We got together occasionally and had great conversations about life in general and recovery. The problem is that we have not done a single step together. I have mentioned a few times over the past month that I would love to get through the first few steps with him as my guide - thinking that we would get together, discuss the step and then I would formally have completed that step. In my mind, I was trying NOT to let my typical type-A personality drive my progression through the steps and yield to someone more experienced in recovery.
This past weekend was the July 4th holiday weekend and Bill had plans with his girlfriend. We are both busy, but have not gone more than two days without talking over the past 6-7 months. This past weekend, I left him 4 messages between his home and cell phone without getting a call back. My final message stated that I was worried about him and hoped nothing happened to him. He called back the afternoon of my last message and said that he has problems with his cell phone. He only received one of the messages and was having such a good time that he forgot to call me back. We had not spoken for almost a week at this point.
My question is about sponsorship and the commitment I should expect from a sponsor. Perhaps, I have not been as needy as others since I have a hard time in general asking for help (who of us does not?). When we spoke after fourth message he acted as if he did not think it were a big deal, but somehow I cannot accept that. It was very disappointing. It was a holiday weekend when most of us think of drinking. My first impulse was to reach out to my sponsor, and friend, to see how he was doing. I think it is reasonable to believe that he would do the same with other alcoholics that he knows. I understand we all busy. It is out of character for him. I thought he might have had a relapse which worried me.
I know I need to talk to him face-to-face about it, but have been avoiding it somewhat. I am trying to be more easy going and check myself on my expectations of people and situations. Perhaps, our relationship is one of friends and not sponsorship?
Any thoughts or advice from those of you out there that have been through something similar.