First off.... thank you so much!!! I am subscribing to this thread.... as there is SO much good information here.... and so many tools to add to my tool box because this is going to happen I'm sure again..... and again.......and again.... but it's been a couple hours into today...... and it's been quite good! Put focus on me and the boys! (I'm taking my oldest for his Sylvan results and then we are going to see WALLIE!!!!!!!!)
Well.... last night after he left IOP he sent a text saying he was leaving and that we needed to talk and that he was sorry. When he got home there was dinner on the table for him and I was having cuddle time with the boys... he ate and went straight upstairs, meanwhile I just hung out with the boys and then about a half hour after getting them settled to sleep.... he approached me asking if we could talk. The fact that I waited for him to approach me was actually new.... because well ... normally I would have just approached him. He said that he spoke a lot about it in group and got some ESH from everyone there. Some of the folks know me there and told him that I was beneficial to his recovery.... not his enemy and to basically KNOCK IT OFF. He explained that it's been 8 days since getting out of rehab and that he is still in his addict ways... and that it was a reaction to his normal behavior to lie about that particular friend calling, because that is what he has done in the past.... and that he is obviously in relapse mode. He did end up going to a bar just before the meeting, but then after a few minutes of sitting there... he got up and went to the IOP. He told that story too... so he is totally battling something so huge right now and will continue to be. We talked for about an hour and he understands that lying is totally not acceptable. One thing that irritated me was this 18 year old nanny told him that kids are pretty resiliant and if he did not have a home to come back to that the boys would be upset for a few days maybe a week..... but they would get over it. He actually took that advice as golden...... and I was like..... you have got to be kidding me!!!!!!! Nanny and father figure are totally two opposite extremes! Geeeeeezus! So... I'm glad he mentioned that to me because I set that one straight right away!!!
I'm going to an al-anon meeting tonight....... I am reading those MB books and thinking of getting the book that LS recommended... Women, Love, Addiction.... (I think is the name). My goal is to focus more on my recovery and less on his! It's time now I back off..... "hands off the addict"...... and change my focus back to where it belongs! While in the throws of all of it.... that is so much easier said than done..... but when in the throws of just staying present within myself and the boys....... I think....... why haven't I been doing this all along?! So..... I too had a slip!!!! There are going to be times that we won't be in sync in our recoveries and yesterday we clearly were not! As long as I keep my side of the street clean so to speak..... I will be less wrapped up in what he is doing or not doing.
You ALL help me SO much!!! Help getting me in the right head space and I am so grateful to you! I wish that I could give you all a Great BIG hug!!!!! :ghug <-------- do you feel it?????? <smile>