Greg,
you're certainly not alone in that. I would have taken so many pills that I'd be passing out. and with not being able to keep my eyes open I would do the rest. knowing I was going to pass out. don't hate yourself. hate the addiction. eventually you'll hate it so much that you'll be able to fight it off.
do you have a plan in place to get clean? that's probably your first step.
But don't hate yourself. You're not alone. Just know you are worth getting clean and having a normal life, and that it can be done.
keep posting and let us know how you're doing!!