Super big (((((hugs))))))).
I know how you feel. I can't even imagine some of the things I did to try to "get back" at the CH. You are going through the grieving process - at least, know that you have FINALLY escaped physically. Even if you still feel mentally trapped - the longer you are out of his presence the less the pain will be. You will survive - you will move on - and you will finally one day realize that he is not worthy of YOU. Not the other way around. Chin up.