You're being too hard on yourself. Don't forget how manipulative they are! It's part of their sickness.
Just remember that he doesn't deserve you. You deserve to be happy and healthy, and anyone who gets in the way of that does not deserve you. I promise it will be better in time; just be fair to yourself. You wouldn't expect a friend to get over something like that so quickly, would you? Do the same for yourself. You've earned that much
