*hugs*
I'm so sorry you've felt so much pain. At one point in your post, you called yourself weak... I have to disagree. Anyone who can go through the mental anguish this guy put you through and come out of it without being either in the nut house, dead, or addicted as well, is a very strong person. Sure, it may take time to heal enough for you to feel ready to date again, but what's wrong with that? I don't think you've given yourself enough time to really be able to have a sound notion of who you've become. Two months is a drop in the bucket. Wait and see how you feel once you've finished that probation. And please keep coming here, and talking to us... we thrive from helping each other to gain strength. You're totally worth it, please don't give up on yourself.