Hi Strongerwoman,
I am so sorry for you and your daughter.
To be honest, if that was me, I would have gone over to his apartment and picked her up and not told him. Now, I am the recovering A and only 2 months sober, SO that is probably not the healthiest advice BUT I do think that he deserved a little scare and a wake up call as to what could happen when she is left alone.
I am an ACOA too and the best thing that ever happened to me when I was a kid was someone taking me to Alateen. It truly gave me a sense of empowerment. Just something to consider along with counseling. It felt so god for me to know I was not the only kid going through it.