Originally Posted by
sesh 
Thank you all for your kinds words... I am trying to take one minute at the time, but it so hard, I feel like the hurricane has passed over time. I was sooo convinced he's doing well, I finally started putting my life back together after so many years of his heavy drinking, and his ending up in the hospital one year ago when he started to quit on his own... And now, for the past nine months I started to believe that I can have a normal life again, I started to breathe again and feel alive after such a long time, and now... it is even worse from what it was...
And the funny thing is I don't even know what I feel, I'm not angry (I guess it'd be much healthier for me if I was)... I guess I just feel disappointed and betrayed and I can’t stop crying… Tonight I was sitting in the living room crying and he just went to bed, 2 minutes later he’s sound asleep… and I’m still here, writing this is calming me down a bit…
I already told you that he denied everything when I confronted him today, and I said ok, it is not true, but I had too much stress due to your drinking anyways, do this for me: stay with me constantly for next 3 days to prove that you can stay off booze as you say, no more drinking in the future, no more going to his regular pub, and no more contact with these few friends that I found out he’s doing drugs with. He said no, he’ll stay with me for 3 days to prove me wrong, but will not do other things I asked him to. I told him that this is a last chance I’m giving him, and he has to choose between this and his family. Again he said no, cause “no one has right to tell him what to do, where to go and who to see or not to see” (which would be perfectly normal thing to say if all the history can be erased).
I said all that, but I still don’t know if I actually have the strength to really finish it, because all I’m thinking about is my kids, I can’t figure out which is the worst option, to have at home a father who do these kinds of things or to have him leave which will most likely push him even deeper into all this that he is doing. We live in a small town, which makes matters much worse…
I don’t know what to do. I am so lost, my whole life has collapsed and I can’t see the way out…
You don't have to make so many decision at once. The important thing is to calm yourself down and just try to relax. I know you feel hurt and betrayed. If it were as easy as saying leave him for your childrent to me that is always the best bet because children usually always know what is going on and it always effects them. But i know the decision will not be that easy for you. try to start by setting some boundries of what you will and won't accept.
take care of yourself and your children first. if he is treating you this way he does not deserve your love and commitment and worry. I know that is easier said then done. To bad the addicts can't feel what we feel. to bad they can't walk a single day in our shoes as the people who love them. i wish this was easy.