Originally Posted by strongerwoman

My 11 yo daughter begged to go to her fathers apt. and spend the night.

And he freaking left her there again late at night to go out to bars and most likely with his other woman.

Again. I am surprised and I know I shouldn't be, but I am.

She called me at 12:15am and LIED to me telling me her dad was there asleep, but that she couldn't sleep and had anxiety.
(she has anxiety issues anyhow which are compounded by being at her father's apt, she has a hard time going to sleep before 2am when he IS there, let alone when he's gone off and left her!)
She can't sleep tonight and decided to just blurt it out at 1am about him leaving and going out again.

He KNOWS she is scared at his apt, even when he is there (its in a not so great part of a city)
He KNOWS all about her anxiety issues and he KNOWS what a hard time she has falling asleep there.

The last time this happened, I went off on him about it - about how it puts stress and pressure on her, about how scared and anxious she was/is, about how WRONG it is, about how when he did it before he told her not to tell me about it, about how it was teaching her to lie and keep "bad" secrets from me, her mother.

In his "defense" her 18yo brother was there with her. BUT he was sleeping both times (sleeps like the dead too) AND he is permanently disabled. In a wheelchair and has learning disabilities (was born with spina bifida) so, really, what kind of "protection" is that?

I just can't freaking believe it.
WHO is this man who was once a great husband and father? Unbelieveable.

Now I don't know what the best way to handle it is. Because as much as she doesn't like being left while he goes out, she still wants to go over there and spend time.
I guess I'll just have to be straight with her and insist, for her safety, that she not spend the night anymore.
I just don't want to be portrayed as a mad ex-wife to be in court who is trying to use her daughter against her soon to be exah, or whatever nonsense he and a lawyer would come up with. I know the courts don't look kindly on a parent who tries to keep a child away from the noncustodial parent - but what choice do I have?

I think the best thing to do is to get her into counseling asap, so there is a third party to help her deal with this and to document and all of that so its not my word against his and all that.

Hurting me beyond belief is one thing, hurting our child is all together different.

This is all so sickening and sad and just horrible. I never thought we'd end up in this terrible place.

I just can't believe the things he's doing.
OMG I am just so mad I could spit nails.