OK, as the daughter of divorced parents, my dad would take every opportunity to paint my mom in a bad light. My mom said absolutely nothing about him. (I never confronted her about the things he said, I just believed him). And yes, there was animosity for several years as a teenager (show me a teenager without angst!!). But you know what? I learned the truth all on my own. As an adult, I realize how wrong of him it was. And I respect my mother even more for keeping her mouth shut.
I’ve thought about divorce, and if I went that route, I would DEFINATELY get my kids into counseling.
As a parent, there is no way I would allow my 11 year old daughter to be alone all night. Period. You may even want to check your local laws. I know where I’m at, it’s illegal to leave children under the age of 12 without PROPER supervision. No offense to her brother, but if he is disabled, he may not be considered as “proper” supervision. I would explain plainly, with the authority I have as a parent, that I am not trying to prevent her from seeing her father, but at the same time, I refuse to put her in an unsafe (and potentially illegal) situation.
(((hugs)))
juju