My A was a pretty nasty dry drunk. He was emotional, manipulative and not much fun to be around. I remember when my parents came to visit, and how uncomfortable they were with the way he spoke to me and the kids. He was a perfect host to THEM, just his normal self to us and they saw it. At times I found myself making a lot of excuses for his behavior... later I was able to see it thru their eyes and saw that he was just plain ugly to us when he wasn't in a good place himself.
I heard it said in meetings and in reading that if one person in the relationship makes even one small change, the entire family unit can feel the effects. It sounds to me like you're doing a good job of setting boundaries, taking care of yourself, detaching from the A in your life. Vacations with your girlfriends? THOSE are the best kind!
When I first started going to meetings I was surprised by the number of women who were still married to their A's -both active and in recovery. I was also surprised by how they never once told me to leave OR to stay in my marriage... only to have a plan if I thought the children or I were in danger. They taught me that I could have a full and rich live, regardless of whether or not the A was still drinking or using. AND they taught me I didn't have to accept unacceptable behavior.
I loved your line about even with a lot of recovery we can still have a crappy day. It's good that we have a place to come and share about our feelings... and better when others can share their own experience strength and hope with you!