I haven't been in the same situation but some were similar. I had to deal with the anger because that was the first thing I felt. Honestly, I didn't know HOW to deal with feelings when I first started this codie recovery. The best thing I've found to do is discuss it with supportive people (like here), and pray that I can deal with the situation and not get all wrapped up in it. AFter the anger, came grief (for a relationship NOT being what I thought), then sadness, then acceptance. Didn't just go through them...had to go back and forth between the feelings for a while.
I'm sure others will be along with more ES&H. In the meantime, sending you and your family hugs and prayers!
Amy