Laan: It sounds like you are doing great. I'm a laugher too, so go on and LAUGH! It's better than crying.
As for the old pictures, you said "he didn't look like hell and all of us
looked happy". As they say "play the tape all the way through". You may have looked happy but now you are on the journey to actually BE happy. Sure things look different now but different can be good too, ya know? I look at old pictures of my wedding and think how happy I was (and how naive I was). I wouldn't trade those old times for anything because it got me to this point, but I am aspiring to create a new happiness - a REAL happiness - one without anger, resentment, doubt, depression, and worry.
Hang in there!