Newport:
If anyone asked me to cut off my right leg at this moment, I would take him or her for a fool. It's hard to admit it, but I honestly believe I need booze to function at times. I don't like that about myself.
I didn't go to an Ivy league school, but I did work full time and earned a scholarship while being a full time student at a modest sized university when I was an alcoholic. I could function fine during the day and then get hammered at the end of nearly everyday. As you said, I could count how many days (on average) I was completely sober during any given year (It was less than ten).
I'm not going to try to guess your situation concerning why it is you drink so much alcohol. All I know is that it started as a way for me to unload some serious stress and baggage. For some, that’s not much of an excuse, but it’s what happened and it’s who I am, whether I or anyone else likes it or not. I’m sorry I don’t have any advice for you because I don’t have my problem under control. I do have tremendous respect for the people here who have been sober for years, but their minds are at a different place than mine, so I find it impossible to relate to what it is they have to say. If you believe you have a problem to solve, then I hope you find the solution. I feel as though I’m going to be looking for a way out for a long time to come. Regardless, I know two things for certain: I’m tired of myself and I haven’t given up. Take it easy.