Newport1

I'm in a bit of a funk tonight... which is I guess what brought me here. More than anything else I'm looking for a bit of perspective, words of advice or perhaps anyone with a similar story to compare to.

As a bit of backstory, I'm 19, a Junior at a Ivy League University, I'm well respected by my professors and peers, and I drink 7 nights a week. I can count the number of nights I haven't drank over the last year, and I've reached a point where a few drinks in a night simply can't cut it. I've convinced myself that this is not a problem since I make very good grades, am actively involved in a number of organizations, and on the outside am a model student aiming for big things in the future.

However, as I sit here with a vodka tonic in my hand I'm having the same thoughts I've had many times in the past 2 years. I know that once I've finished this post I'll go over to a friend's, and we'll drink heavily. I'll eventually wander home, go to bed, go to class tomorrow morning in a daze and try to come to terms with the things I said or did last night.

It's become such a routine that I don't quite remember life before I started drinking like this. I almost want to hit some sort of breaking point, be it social, academic, financial, just something that will force me to rethink my current nightly ritual. I feel as though I cannot be considered an alcoholic given my aptitude in other areas of life, but I'm starting to wonder if having 8-15 drinks every night is something I will be unable to break in the future.

And now I'm off to another night of drinking...