SailorKaren and Miss Communicat, you guys are so helpful. Thank you!
You are so right. I need to really think this through and not just react from my gut. It is exactly not the alcohol itself and whether it's in my house. What a terribly difficult thing to control. It's the way it makes me feel when my AP is drinking that bothers me so much. Knowing I can't have a rational conversation, knowing I can't expect anything reasonable, and worrying about whether the house will be quiet and calm enough to sleep when it's time.
I need to talk to her about what I need at the close of a long day to be ready for the next stressful day, and what happens if her drinking is disturbing my right to have a peaceful evening. If necessary, she can cover the cost of a hotel for me! Thanks again for all the smart words!