I know that he probably has a lot of feelings bottled up. I have suggested Alanon but he is just not a joiner. I know that he is probably angry, etc. Should I encourage him to talk or just focus on me and my recovery and being the best wife and mother I can be today and let him bring things up as needed?
The suggestion for Al-Anon was a great idea however it is his choice to do so...just as it was yours to work on your recovery.
I do believe that you answered your own question
"Just focus on you" leave him to his thoughts and let your actions begin to possibly help him to see the change in you. Recovery is for US no matter who we are...an addict, an Alcoholic, over eater or just a simple codie like me (not that I'am simple LOL)
IMHO when I start to see actions behind words it is the greatest thing anyone can do not only for themselves but for others around them in which they have created chaos
Good luck to you and with your recovery keep us posted!
