Originally Posted by
Lilyflower 
I hate to be the party popper on all this, but it seems like everyone is doing something to help except your AH.
It WILL NOT MATTER how much medication he takes, whether you force him to stay in your home, how much counselling he has, he will NOT stop drinking until HE WANTS TO.
Yeah ok, so he began drinking heavy when his dad died of alcoholism? So he began drinking to numb the pain, he is not drinking now because of any of that, now he is drinking because he is ADDICTED. He needs alcohol to make him feel ''normal'', but then he also wants the ''high'' he cannot control it and drinks more and more. This is what alcoholics do.
You cannot force sobriety on an alcoholic. They have got to WANT it, and if he is drinking 4-5 pints of vodka a week, I'm guessing he doesn't.
Stop taking on the responsibility of his problem, that is what is affecting your mood. You are making it YOUR responsibility to heal him, so when he is not drinking YOU feel a ''high'' because you feel you have done your job well, when he is drunk YOU feel a ''low'' because deep down you are making his drinking your responsibility when it IS NOT.
You say you know he wants a different life than this? Where exactly is that coming from.. you? because all you have typed is telling ME that what he wants is to keep drinking, despite the consequences he knows of which is death.
My exabf's mum died of alcoholism which threw my exabf into drinking heavily. As sad as it was for him, he KNEW that drinking heavily lead to death, he had seen it happen with his own eyes, and so had I. Yet he continued drinking. At some point, the excuses do no good. He has to take on the responsibilitiy of what he is doing FOR HIMSELF, you cannot do that for him.
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I know only he can stop drinking we are on day 4 of no alcohol and that is huge considering how much he was drinking. I am slowly letting go and today have an appointment with a therapist to help me learn to live and love my self and try to be a wife to my husband as well.
He has his appointment today and as well and I am sure will tell her about everything that has happened. I know for fact that sober he is never and would never be violent. I am making an attempt to learn to live my life and he is learning to slowly deal with all his million issues that he has. All we can do is try. He is no saint and I will never claim that he is. EVER. I belive in recovery for ME and for ME we just both have to want it bad enough. I am still kind of new here so I am learning as I go along.
Will keep you posted and let you know should the violence ever happen again. I will call the police and will press charges and he knows that. For the most part he understands that I usually mean what I say. or at least I try to. I don't preach to him anymore about stopping. I am trying not to argue anymore. This is his thing and I have my co dependency issues to work on. I am working full time, spending time with friends and family - reglardless of the condition he is in. that is a choice I made and am forcing my self to stick to. I will slowly regain my life. Is it wrong to just hope he wants to as well. He has not been sober for 4 days in months!!! So this is a positive for me.