The thing that popped out at me with your post, Almathea, is that YOU have decided to make some changes (there's where the thing "Nothing changes if nothing changes" popped out!) and that is a VERY POWERFUL move on your part. I am rooting for you 100% in deciding to take charge of your life, to own your feelings, and to protect your own serenity. Very powerful stuff for a 25 year old. Good for you, sweetie! Keep it up. Be patient, but be determined. You possibly could be the catalyst for change that your mother needs. You definitely are doing yourself a tremendous service and I just wanted to point that out.