Years ago I realized that my relationship with my mother was all about being co-dependent with whatever she was working on. If I wanted to just be with her and do normal things it always revolved around her "project".
As I got o lder I started trying to "help" her to stop doing this as I beleived she would be happier. Guess what she likes this life apparently. And then she would get angry at me.
And as far as my dad goes, he tried to help her too and he became her enemy so to speak. He is old now and just stays out of her way. At 76 she still has a project. The thing that is confusing is that they talk like they want the situation to be different while all the time feeding the monster of a victim they are co-dependent with.
I had to step back, and like you she pulled away. It's rough because you see her taking care of others and you just want a mommie some times to hold your head. My husband pointed out to me in order to have her care I have to become one of her weak projects.
That I could not do. So she never calls me, I see her when I visit there home, where she has my 43 sis and teenage son living on disability.
There is so much crazy stuf going on it will make your head spin. But no one says anyting to her anymore, not worth your breath.
This sister did drugs back in her 20's and it scared my mother, which I understand, my daughter is an addict.
Okay thats the story, now here is some gentle advice, take it or leave it.
You will have to become your own parent. I believe there is even a bookout there by that name. Because if you keep trying to have a "normal" relationship with her you will have to play the co-dependent game with her.
I am not sure of your age but if you are young this hurts alot and I can see why you keep trying.
It is sad as it feels like a great loss. It would have been nice to have amother come help me with my babies or stay with me at the hospital when i had surgery, etc. She always manages to be there for the ones who "need" her.
There are alot of "mommies" on here and you can talk to us anytime. Not the same I realize, but it's nice to be listened to and have someone care.
:ghug3