Have you read CoDependent No More by Melody Beattie? It really helped me understand the codependence and why I was feeling and acting the way I was. The heavy burden of codependency drags us down. We are so busy taking care of others.....addicts and kids....we lose ourselves. I always felt putting my needs first was selfish. I realize that if I don't meet my needs then I have nothing to give. Your kids have so much more when mom is healthy and happy. I am glad to hear you have a job. If you are worrying about making it without him, making your own paycheck will give you self-esteem and assurance. Money isn't everything. My husband does anesthesia (his drug of choice!) and I could stay home and not really worry about money. BUT I have put my dreams aside. I have become Depedent on him. Look where that got me! Now I realize that I am dependent on an Addict?!
I love my kids, but I realize that by not having boundaries,....they are also walking all over me! especially as teens. I am the door mat for my RAH and my kids! I am working on all of that and have a long way to go! BUT it has to be done!
Just put one foot in front of the other. You will get there. But I think realizing how codependency works and what it does to us....helps us make the right steps toward being healthy and happy. YOu are blessed with your kids. YOu have so much. Keep posting and reaching out. Absord what people on here are saying. They have so much more insight. Reach out when you need. Take what you want and leave the rest. You didn't cause it, You can't control it and you can't cure it.