too easy, maybe not
I just wanted to thank everyone for all the support and encouragement. Ironicly, lol, yesterday turned out to be my roughest day to date. In treatment they put me on a new antidepressant(Paxil) along with nurontin for anxiety. One of them is giving me these killer, incapacitating headaches. I was cranky and depressed because I felt so crappy. Found myself shutting out my partner, some people from AA who have sort of taken me under their wing, and in a way returning back to some of my self destructive using behavior. I was so miserable that I just wanted to drink. Badly. (because we all know how much better that makes us feel.... yeah, right) I skipped my meeting last night and stayed in bed. Like textbook what not to do... But I prayed and felt a little better. Then somewhere out of nowhere, I remembered something someone said while she was speaking at a meeting about her last relapse.. "I'll show you...I'll hurt me even more" A little lightbulb went on over my head..and I laughed and the desire to use went away. So, today is a new day. I'm going to a meeting this morning. I'm going to call my new friends from AA, and lastly find someone to adjust this medication. Thanks, b