My AH and I have been fighting like crazy. The kids are out of control from all the stress in the house and we are so damn busy and stressed we can't give them the attention they need. My AH needs to submit a background check for school. The semester ended on Tuesday and he still has not sent it in. He is going through criminal issues now and he may be kicked out of the school program. He has known about this background check for weeks and is waiting until the last minute to send it in. We don't know if he will be in school next week or not because of this and he refuses to deal with it. I am so stressed I had a major panic attack last night and almost passed out in front of him. This is not the first time this has happened from the stres of his procrastination. I feel like I want to strangle him for puttting me through all of this. His therapist says we should seperate for the kids sake. I can't trust him for anything. If we seperate it is forever. I am not subjecting my kids to this back and forth crap anymore. "Oh this week daddy is moving out again." I feel like he is never going to change. Even though he has been clean for over two months he still has al the main issues he had that caused him to turn to drugs- fear, procrastination etc. He has asked all his therapists and group leaders to help him with his fear and help him but it seems he is getting no where. If he is getting no where either are we. One therapist says he can't work on his family at all until he is done working on himself. My therapist says if we don't work on the marriage it will not make it. I don't know what the hell to do. One day I refuse to get divorced other days I can't wait to get him out of here so he can stop comlicating my life so much. I am trying to work on co-dependent issues but it is so hard with the kids. Today I am suppose to work and he is suppose to watch the kids. He now has to spend the day writing the letter and background check sent to hs teacher. Who is going to take care of the kids?? If the kids stay with him they will be ignored and stuck in front of the tv and yelled at for interrupting him. If I take them to work with me I am teaching him I am always to the rescue so he doesn't have to be responsible.
Sorry such a long post-- Any advice to save my sanity would be greatly appreciated.
I put my future in my AH hands not knowing he was an addict and now my future is at serious risk and I am trying not to hate him for it. I go to church and they tell me forgive like god forgives and let go of anger. So much easier said than done!!!
