Drained Wife....... going on this vacation..... and if you have time to think about yourself and the children...... think about NOT what happens if he continues in active addiction...... or even think about if he stops.... think about what YOU want....... and then the boundaries will also surface within YOU..... what you are willing to tolerate! Does that make sense?
LET GO and LET GOD! Seriously! What he does..... he is going to do.......... NOW.... is the time to be thinking about what you want and what you want for your children!
You are up against a drug...... you will not win! End of story! His not using is something only he can own! And you can own whether you want yourself and your children to be around it!
My exah..... I had to leave the house. I knew that I was not able to stay in my boundaries while living with him in active addiction........ so I figured out financially how to carry on ....... on my own. He cried and cried ....... saying he would stop........ but I had gotten so tired of the wordy words..... they mean NOTHING.......! It's been 10 years now...... and he has just gotten himself deeper and deeper into trouble....... with months here and there of sobriety ..... but nothing truly changed! I got the help I needed to move forward and focused on me!
Now..... a new phase in my life began...... I fell in love with another addict 8 years later! I was in total denial and wasn't aware of the usage ... until I saw my codie ways showing it's head again! While I loved him a ton.... I knew that the addiction was taking me down with him just as fast as it was taking him down........ so I detached. And then I gave an ultimatum which was one that I was going to stand by ...... no matter what. ZERO TOLERANCE.... and I got his family involved..... and his friends too.... and we all did an intervention and he went into rehab. He comes home this weekend. Recovery I will full on stand by....... however, if I end up back in the cycle of addiction with him....... we are done! Not because I don't love him, but because I do love him.... and I love myself and my children! It's not what I want for myself or my children! What gave me the strength and continues to give me the strength? To "let go and let God"........ to know that I am powerless over his actions...... and only empowered by my own doings!
The man I love is not the same when in active addiction...... so I choose to hate the doc ..... not the man. And my way of fighting that DOC is by not letting it be a part of my life..... which means..... not letting the "carrier" be a part of my life as well. Make sense?
Empower yourself..... and for your children..... it's not a personal attack on him..... it's the proven way for you to *fight* and attack the doc..... to detach..... and look after YOU! It's brilliant actually!!!!!!!