I'm sorry to be ms. suspicious mind, painthorse, but I remember you saying also that he's recently been seeing a lot of a married woman from your area, picking her up to take her to these meetings, etc.?
What is your gut telling you about all of this?
--sudden increase in meetings
--suddenly needs to find support and solace with this woman
--gets angry when you question him (breaking things? gosh is this the kind of life you want?)
You sound like a really nice lady, supportive through the worst of times, and I wouldn't ever want to see you hurt, but it seems like you might be overlooking one possibility here?..... It may be nothing at all, but still, the disrespect and the anger is nothing you should have to put up with.
You have a right to a peaceful life where you feel safe and feel valued. Being with someone who won't talk to you, who dominates you with fear, does NOT sound like the kind of life that -- when you get to the end of it -- you're gonna look back and say, "I had a great life and I squeezed all the happiness out of it that I could." I don't blame you one bit for wanting an end to all of the doubt and chaos. You've done your best, you did the right things, now it's time to take care of YOU, whatever action that means taking.
Hugs to you, to do what's right for yourself.
GL