I read through this entire thread several times before I decided to put in my two cents. So you want to know what codependent is. YOU are. He is an addict who is pulling a dry drunk. He's also mean. Period.
So, as a codependent, you are enmeshed in wanting to know what is going on inside HIS head while being totally confused in your own. You have fruitless discussions. You allow him to manipulate you, which is evident when he contradicts himself. He'll say whatever he needs to say in order to get you to swallow the crap he's dishing out.
And you tend to contradict yourself. On the one hand, this man sounds like one of the meanest son-of-a-guns to come down the pike. Then, you try to justify staying involved with this character by saying, "But he WANTS to provide." Yeah, right ... on his own terms; not your's.
Frankly, I fail to see what characteristics this man possesses that would make you want him to have any role in your child's life. Someone who has a boatload of emotional problems/issues, is a control freak, and takes NO RESPONSIBILITY for his behavior or actions. As I said before, I wouldn't let someone with so many creepy characteristics anywhere near my child.