Eighteen monthes where he moved to another state.
At this time though he is my ex.. he is my children's Father.
They do not know where he is, a phone number or the name to one single person who could or would tell them if he is alive. They do not expect to be told if/when he does die.
I do have a friend who's father "disappeared" 15 years ago.
It took them 2 years for the police to take and make an official "missing person's report."
Another 7 years for him basically to be declared, dead-
This was really for legal purposes, as her parents were married, her mother could not even sell their home with out his signature. Forget the life insurance or social security benefits.
Though it is now all legally taken care of.
She still has nightmares- that he is alive.
Daymares too.. that person at the shopping mall is her Father. The wrong number phone call or prank is actually her Father.
Or when the caller Id comes across with city or government numbers, that finally it is someone telling her, that it is truly over. They do know he is truly dead.
No real closure.
I pray that my children do not have her experience.
That of the unknown.. forever.
All because.. he didn't "feel like."
Not just him- all of those who have enabled him. That includes the using addicts and even those who are sober and in recovery. Who led him to believe that it was okay, that someday he could just call and let his kids know. The judicial system, judges, police, guardian ad lidems. The spiritual advisers who tell him he can expect.. someday. Or who tell my kids they should just be able to go on with their lives- day- week and be happy, joyous and free.
If I hear one more person tell my children that their father loves them, he is just sick..
THEY do not FEEL loved today or for a very long time in the past.
They do not FEEL cared for by him today or for a very long time in the past.
They do not FEEL cared about by him today or for a very long time
They do not FEEL important to him today or for a very long time in the past.
Why doesn't really matter to me anymore. Whether it is do to an illegal chemical that changes and changed his brain.
I am sick and tired of what seems like everyone- including the counselors, and medical professionals who treat this "disease" acting like it is okay. Justifying it..
I am sick and tired of it being compared to other medical diseases like cancer. Just because you are "sick" does not entitle you to act and treat others- the people you love and claim to love this way.
I am sorry, today I am so angry.
Yes I am angry with AA!!!
Sorry- to me things are not getting better!! They are in fact getting much worse!! There to me are far MORE suffering addicts/alcoholics and family members than there were back when Bill W. had his spiritual awakening in a very safe hospital with his wife at his side. (she could commit him, then)
No, the streets and prisons are full of people that have not recovered.
There are 1000's of John and Jane Does-unidentified remains.
Our society- country in my opinion is NOT getting better- it is far worse.
Today they do not even bother to enforce the laws that are on the books.
In some ways- my ex.. was the only honest one when he told me I was wrong- I didn't know.
It is true-
He did not go to jail or prison when they busted him with crack in his car, nor did they take the car.
They do not bust the crack houses he goes to.
They do not bust him for stealing and forging checks.
They do not bust him for not having a drivers license, insurance or license tabs or driving under suspended or revoked licenses.
He has not died, let alone gotten any of those medical conditions they told me and the kids he would get.
Frankly because we were not medicated during all of this drama, chaos, fear and stress. FELT every second of it- the effects have ravaged us healthwise.
No- being completely honest.
I have to admit- my ex told me the truth, he told me what it was really like. What I could really expect to happen. He was really "right" when he told me that my fears were ridiculous.
They were.
I know that many people here will not like to read this statement.
These are my feelings.
AA and the people who treat this "disease" do not tell the whole story. They only tell about the success stories..
I believe we have to quit being in denial!!
Instead of only talking about and telling the "success stories" we need to ALSO tell about the failures. ADMIT them.
No- to me this is no different than looking at a person who has a very serious disease like cancer of the pancreas and telling them and their families, that everything will be okay.. someday.
I am a nurse- there are times when we have to look at our patients and their families and tell them the TRUTH!!
The odds are not good- there is a very good chance they will die, they need to get their affairs in order.
If they are NOT medically compliant and follow our treatment plan- the odds are worse.
If they continue to not do so- we do not SHAME the family and tell them that they are codepentant or control freaks- for telling us, their loved one's are still smoking... not following the diet.. not taking their blood sugar or insulin. Or not calling us to simply say- "i'm scared... I think he is getting sicker."
No- there were times, we had to FIRE patients and tell them directly- they were going against medical advice. We would no longer be their medical professionals. They were NOT welcome back in our clinic.
No- there were times, we simply had to look at our patients and TELL them, things did not look good at all. That the odds were they were going to die. At the same time, we did tell them- miracles do happen. Prayers do get answered, to PRAY!!! We had seen that work before. Some people have been known to miraculously go into remission or get cured.
No to all-
We were not in denial over the diseases we treat.
We also were not so darn egocentric as to believe we had all the answers or to pretend that we were saving lives.
Good luck finding the answer to any medical disease the day the professionals responsible for treating it- those who claim to be the one's who have the answers to it.... Think 20%.. 40%.. 60% or even 90% is OKAY- Success to them, that what they are currently doing is GREAT!! Success!! The best!!!
It wasn't for me- for my son's- more importantly my ex. himself.
Sorry for the rant!!