Teenaged son was missing for 18 months - had a few years of sobriety and started again - we told him he couldn't live in our home and use, and I thought he would go back to meetings. Well, he didn't and left - didn't know if he was dead or alive. I had been in Alanon for almost 3 years. I was sad, and some days I was worried - but mostly I knew he was doing what addicts did - that it wasn't him doing it at me, that it didn't mean he didn't love me, it just meant that once he started back on drugs it became the most important thing in his life. That's the nature of drug addiction. And I learned a great lesson in "I can't control it".
I turned him over to my HP/God - because He is up all night anyway - and I went to sleep. I either had done step 3 or I hadn't. Made me put my actions where my mouth was.
And it made me really work an Alanon program - and I learned I was responsible for my own life and happiness - that I could be ok whether or not he was in my life. He had a few periods of sobriety after that - 20 years later he now has 11 months.
Good thing Alanon helped me get my act together - or I'd be in the looney bin! I never gave up hope - but I just loved him and hated the disease.
Meetings work.
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler