wilbsoon

So 68 days clean and loving life when I have an accident that pops my shoulder out. I was in a lot of pain, more than I've had before, enough so I threw up and almost passed out (shock I think). The nurse tried to get it in without giving me anything, and I tried to relax, then she put a canula in my arm. I pleaded to be given the happy gas instead like last time many many years ago as a teenager, but the doctor said it was way too tight and injected morphine. His reaction was worse than mine... Didn't do s*&t to me. So more and more (lets say lots) till I relaxed and it still took four of them to get the arm back in the socket. Then he said how amazed he was I was still sitting there awake talking coherently when I should be asleep. Well I know why I was doing it... all those dormant receptors Bvaljalo talks about sucking it all up! He wanted to give me a script for codeine which I refused. He put it in my paperwork anyway.

So apart from scaring the s#%t out of me yesterday, where does that leave me? I gave the script straight to my wife and the only thing Ive taken is Ibuprofen (recommended dose) for pain and inflamation. Mind you it is acheing real bad and I was told it will for a few days but thats the bed i've made.

I was totally scared I would be in withdrawel again today but so far after waking up I feel normal. I am scared that by tonight it will be back after all those receptors were reawakened. I do remember reading some of Bvaljalo's info that it takes three days of using again before your back to where you started ( I hope my memory is right). And Windy had an operation and was okay but that was way further along in recovery than me. I do know one thing, the fact the morphine didn't knock me cold and that the rest of the day I had so much energy instead of being tired means I am still very much in the beginning of recovery and any attempt of my brain to say otherwise is a deception.

So what now? Well, I WILL get over this without any opiates. But it did freak me out and I can't help think I have somehow cheated. And that's because some little part of my brain was happy for the rest of the day having morphine in me. And I hate that part the most!

One more thing, the question I don't want to ask, does this mean I don't have 68 days up and I am back at one? (and I know the scientific technical answer)

Wilbsoon