please try not to make the same mistake that I made - thinking that if I wasn't with the addict/alcoholic then my problem was over. It turns out that I am the problem - not them. I need to be a card carrying member of alanon til the end of my days and work an active recovery. Hopefully, I then can have a daily reprieve. I have had so much to learn about myself and I just didn't realize that loving an addict was simply a road sign to where I needed to go. I am convinced that if I had been working an active recovery that I would not have married another addict, and then another. I get it. There are holes in my head that fit the rocks in their's.....need to fill those holes with something else other than the rocks of addicts. I was susceptible to my drug (addicted relationships) the same way that they are susceptible to their's.
Sounds like you might have a bit of what I've got - the good news is there is help and it's not costly. Thank heavens for that! So sorry to hear about what is going on but remember - there are no accidents. It's an opportunity to take a look at yourself and begin to take good care of you. We all think that we come here because of our addicts and we think that we go to alanon/naranon because of our addicts. No - we do all of that because we have a problem with living and our lives are unmanageable.
Glad that you're back!