Thanks Hud.
It has taken me a long time to get to this place. To find a HP that works for me. (I also can't stand the doorknob analogy...that's just stupid).
To be able to not cringe when I hear, "God, He, He guides me" type talk.
but I just didn't give up. And when I relapsed...I knew I needed to be back in the rooms.
My first sponsor immediately tried to get me to accept her god. And she was really needy. Not what I needed. Now my current sponsor is on the same level as me, and is guiding me through the steps. I am working the 4th step now, and it's not so bad. And I can see how it really helps our minds. It is a psychological and therapeutic process. Perfect for us addicts.