((Kay))
I'm a recovering addict, much older than your son, but everyone above is right on. My dad and stepmom did come to see me once when I was in jail for a month. Then I was put in a diversion center for 4-1/2 months. I got a job and worked hard at doing the right thing. Dad and stepmom used to visit me at work, and then when I was allowed to come home on a day pass, they would bring me home. They did this only because I was really trying to do right.
It took me getting locked up, and dad saying "I can't and I won't help you get out of this" to fully face my consequences. My family never stopped loving me, but they certainly would not and will not tolerate my addict behavior.
I can only imagine how hard it is to detach from your son, but I've said it before and I'll say it again....it's not that you don't love him, it's that you love him so much you will let him learn the hard lessons he needs to learn.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy