I think I am confused about how I take the focus off him and put it more on myself and the girls? Does that mean ignore him? Don't cook, clean, shop for him? Don't engage in conversations? We talk alot during the day and in the evening, about the kids, the house, what we are doing on the weekend, vacation coming up, etc.
Yeah, these are all the interactions we begin holding up to the light and asking...hmmmmm is this healthy or unhealthy - should I say this or this....am I enabling or not?? Right now that you are looking for help and answers you will be questioning everything - and you may not have the answers immediately. This stuff works in baby steps at first. It's a good question to bring to AlAnon whenever you're ready to speak - or if you just keep going to meetings some version of it will pop up...
and it's funny - well for me it's with my brothers - but I go through a few years where one system or style of detachment will work, and then things change - there will be a shift in me or in the progression of their alcoholism and I have to re-visit some of the same questions again.
But it does get clearer - as you fill your tool chest with new tools, it really does get more manageable.
Peace,
B.