In all honesty, I would be putting money aside that he has no access to. I'm not trying to scare you, but I've seen people post here that have literally smoked up a million dollars in crack. If I had saved the money I spent in a year, I could have paid cash for a house.
I agree with this 100%. Start squirreling stuff away. I also don't mean to sound the alarmist, but it's money wasted up his nose or smoked through a pipe. Do it for your own security and the security of your children.
I'm wondering those that stayed with a user partner- what was the turning point you didn't leave? I think at least he is here physically and I can monitor him with the kids. If we were in a situation where he might have them alone for a weekend and he's using- I couldn't live with that.
I live with my husband because he's in recovery. If he was still using, I would not be living with him. I don't want my child to be taken from me. I don't want her near it, exposed to it or around it. He was also great and happy when he was high and on something. When he was coming down? Mean, nasty, delusional, take your pick of negative adjective. He knows if he relapses, I'm gone. That doens't mean divorce or gone for good, it means I live separate from him until he cleans up and can prove it (i.e. drug tests for a while, most likely.) I won't live with an addict. I don't care how "functional" he appears on the outside.
I don't know what it is that he's taking. I don't know much about crack. I would guess that's what it is as I think coke is powder and you snort it. I don't know how he's imbibing this stuff. Probably smoking? Not sure. Him being there physically is irrevelent. You can't monitor him all the time. My husband used to do a line of meth every day before work in the car. It was only when he started smoking it in our basement and got too lazy to hide his foil and cut up straws that he was caught. Because he thinks nothing is wrong, I wouldn't leave him alone with the kids, no matter how sober, happy or on the ball he seems. And he would damn well know it. But, that is me. You have to decide for yourself.
I guess I was never too apprehensive to tell my husband what the deal was, what I would put up with and he knew I would leave. I stayed at my mom's for a week after our child was born because he was coming down off his last high. I remember my husband actually used the excuse that I knew about him using drugs before I married him. I knew he did pot and had experimented in the past, that's all. And I told him, "so what? I changed my mind. I grew a brain."
Does his family know? (i.e. parents, siblings, etc?) Friends? I'm not saying you should go around telling them, but it IS an option if he's not listening to you (and the voice of reason.) That's an ugly door to open, though, as more often than not, people can live in utter denial about their loved ones for a very long time.
If he won't listen to you talking, try writing him a letter. Spell out your boundaries and what the consequences are for breaking them. Written down, consider it a contract. If he feels he's being treated like a child, you don't have to remind him that he's acting like one (he is, and he likely knows it deep down.) Just tell him you're putting your child's safety first.
Just some ideas. Hang tough. Research. Read into the law. Protect yourself above all. Squirrel money away. I once read that you should have 3 months living expenses (rent, bills, food, other expenses etc) saved away just in general. Not a bad idea to have just in case. If you never have to use it, blessings all around, but it's there if you need it. Then you won't be held back if it comes to that and feel trapped and unable to act due to financial restraints. Again, not trying to freak you out, but with me, it was something that I could DO instead of just sitting around waiting. It made me feel productive and like I had a small amount of control over myself.
/big hugs