:ghug
Bigsis, huge hugs to you. You are a human being. Please don't forget that. I play those little games in my head sometimes, too. It's like I want to resign myself to fate, but then I don't believe the answers I get half the time. :rof
I think seeing someone is a good thing. They will be able to tell you if medication is a good option. Please keep us updated.
And another thing, try to get out of the negative thinking. Think positive. Good things. Every time a bad thought comes along, imagine it like you're watching it on television, on a DVD. Then imagine you eject that DVD, break it in half and throw it in the trash. Replace what's on the screen with something good and positive.
It sounds dorky, but I have to tell you, it helped me past some serious traumatic issues that I have struggle with since childhood (that had to do with some pretty horrific events.) I never found peace until I started this technique and I did it at first just for the heck of it--not believing it would work. But it did for me.
Thinking good things about people and allowing yourself to HOPE for those good things is not naive or foolish. Positive begets positive a lot of the time. Good comes from good.
So, on that note, I'm sending you a million jillion oodles of good mojo.
