I do try to rationalize. When I'm around my family, I'm usually fine. But I didn't know about the addiction in my family until it all came to a head in probably the worst possible situation that someone who is a drug addict could find themselves in. In supporting my family in this really hard time, I also found out that my brother has a severe drug addiction and previous legal problems.
He stayed with me for a short period of time when he attempted school. His drug of choice was actually a prescription that I held onto as the 'adult' of the house. I felt like a drug dealer. Every time I gave him meds I know he didn't need, I was terrified that he would give them to someone who would misuse them and overdose and it would be my fault. I used to drive around the city, trying to find him just to make sure he was OK and tell him I loved him (never worked....)
Because I had learned about the addiction in such a terrible way, I don't feel like I really had time to absorb it all properly. I think I panic because I know things were hidden from me in the past and I'm terrified that something will happen again. I'm certainly aware that drugs aren't the best way to deal with things but I just don't know where else to turn.