I feel tears coming on given the overwhelming support from a group of relative strangers. What a great site- you have said many things I thought about and needed to hear. And that so many of you took the time to reply- I just, well, thank you.
I'm not sure if I should confront him about the cocaine at this point or wait until I go to the meeting... but at the end of the day my kids and our own happiness and safety is what's most important. I know he'll just tell me the same things it sounds every other addict does: "why do I have a problem with this if he can handle it? If he's doing everything he should be doing?" he has also told me point blank he likes to do the drugs and he's not going to stop so I need to "deal with it".
And then I feel like it really *IS* my problem, not his. What a mess. I'm furious with him for doing this to me and the kids.