the reason i was so afraid of quitting drinking was that i would be able to see clear as day that i have made a big mistake, i can see it now, but i have no way of doing anything about it, my eldest son has autism and any sudden change would really cause him alot of distress so "upping and leaving" is not an option unless i have somewhere safe and stable to go- which i dont.
I will be ok, hes an emotional bully and will punish me indefinately by withdrawing from the entire family for aslong as he feels like it, for airing an opinion or disagreeing.
He began the latest sulk at the start of last week, which is probably why i only made it til friday without drinking anything.
Its extremely lonely when you have a partner who has managed to alienate your entire family AND most of your friends with his behaviour, i guess the bottle became my friend. someone who i could rely on to take away the pain.
I know what has to be done, i just have absolutely no idea how on earth i will do it and survive, :sorry