Originally Posted by
mikeb 
I have been getting better, and the thing is at one time i just didnt care to look at all....Ironically now that things at the home are actually realllllly good is when i get the urge to start look the most. I sit here and ask myself how can AW be so happy and she not be high, how can she be so happy with me and there not be someone else or what is she hiding..
This is where I run into problems with snooping as well. When things seem really good, I go crazy with the desire to snoop again. Up unitl recently I would give in and investigate like crazy, ultimatly bringing down the peace and harmony that was temporaly in my house.
But you know what I have figured out? I think I'm addicted to the chaos and drama that the snooping and discovery of lies and drugs brings. How sick is that? But it's true, it the codependant in me looking for ways to fix a problem or to be my husbands savior.
This revelation is both embarrasing and humbling at the same time. Embarrassing because I cannot believe that I have acted the way and have allowed myself to become this kind of person. Humbling because I know that I have been a big part of the problem in my marriage and i have even unknowingly gotten in the way of my husbands recovery by playing Nancy Drew.
I'm still very new to this and I'm still learning but working the program has really allowed me to see myself in a different light.