I ran sound for a conference 2 weeks ago, and the show photographer came up and introduced himself to me, as he had some questions about the stage lighting. I have an amateur interest in digital photography, and we seemed to click right away. He would come to me and talk during the breaks, and invited me to sit with him during lunch. I was taken by his courtesy and interest in me. I enjoyed sharing time with him. The way it made me feel good was almost hypnotic. Hmmm, like a drug. I can see myself falling into a deeper relationship like this as a way of coping with the hurt I am still grieving. My reactions to him are not wrong; they are a terrific basis for a lasting and healthy relationship. A choice to pursue them as a way to avoid my pain, as I see it, constitutes the core essence of addiction in codependence. I was able to observe and comprehend all this while it was happening, and I was able to simple enjoy the encounter for what it was: a moment of kindness and friendship from a chance acquaintance.
I consider it essential that I find my primary love and support from sources within me. I am the one I am looking for. I am the love of my life. You are not wrong for being attracted to the attentions of this man. He is merely an external reflection of the loving and caring essence that you already are. Once you connect with and support your beautiful essence, people around you who do not reflect it, will almost magically drop out of your life. They have to, because we only see in others what we see in ourselves. See only the love that you are, and watch how your world is transformed.
Karen