It does hurt. Detach with love. Keep your serenity. I have read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. She write of 3 steps to detach from people. 1. Learn when You are reacting to something/someone. Whether it is your addict or someone in your life. 2. Make yourself comfortable. Go for a walk,..whatever that seperates you emotionally/physically/mentally. what ever gives you serenity. 3. Examine what happened. Talk about your feelings. Don't keep them pinned up. When I invited her to come over and she gave me an excuse. I did not react. I accepted it. And then tried to do something that I liked or with someone else. Maybe one of your son's friends parents. Then when I found that peace, I thought about what happened. I know I have changed and she doesn't understand it. SHe can't....I barely do. And I know she is facing the same monster, but one who has not come out of the closet. That how I deal with it. That is how I have learned to detach. I hope this helps.